“Too lazy to work? Join UNIFIL and get paid for doing nothing”

“Join UNIFIL, the place where no one is ever expected to do their job and no one ever does!”

Her er en sarkastisk, men desværre realistisk artikel om UNIFIL af Gary Willig

Hey you!

Are you struggling to find employment because every employer requires you to actually work and produce results?

Want a job where you’ll get paid for doing nothing at all?

Then the United Nations has the perfect position for you!

Join UNIFIL, the place where laziness and an unwillingness to actually work are the most valued traits for any employee.

Officially, your job will be to enforce UN Security Council Resolution 1701 by preventing the Hezbollah terrorist organization from operating south of the Litani River, from smuggling weapons such as rockets, and posing a threat to the State of Israel to the south. But in reality, you’re not expected to do anything! How great is that!?

Preventing armed groups from smuggling weapons or launching attacks on their neighbors is hard work and potentially dangerous. That’s why you don’t have to do it at all! The UN doesn’t care if you don’t know Resolution 1701 from the NCC 1701 from Star Trek! It just needs someone to pretend to be useful so it can pretend it is useful.

Those Hezbollah terrorists who are the reason you’re there? Ignore them! They’ll ignore you back. If they put an entire arsenal in your backyard, it’s not worth lifting a finger for. If they launch rockets at Israel from 100 yards from your position, just pretend you don’t notice. It’s only Jews they’re attacking anyway.

Get to know your Hezbollah neighbors, and maybe you can even become best buddies with them! (Note. Going out for beers with fanatical Islamist terrorists may be difficult given their ban on drinking alcohol. Try other fun activities like rocket launching or drone flying instead).

Bring an Xbox! You’ve got all the time in the world to kill, since your only job is pretending to be doing a job no one but those darn pesky Israelis actually wants you to do.

So come join UNIFIL, the place where no one is ever expected to do their job and no one ever does!

(Note: In the event that Hezbollah terrorists go too far by launching attacks on Israel nonstop for a year and Israel finally retaliates, your Hezbollah buddies who you let have the run of the place will use you as meat shields and your UN employers like the Secretary-General will refuse to evacuate you to safety – you are a professional useless person after all, and your only purpose is to protect the terrorists you were supposedly sent to deal with).

Gary Willig is a veteran Arutz Sheva news staff member.

Taget herfra